The map no longer navigates me. Exact location can’t be pinned. “Keep going” They told me there’s something good waiting for me to discover. I must have faith. Down this road, I must give it a go and if I take this path with them, it’ll do me wonderful. And maybe they will continue being my friends. It never hurts being accompanied.
So I run as fast as I could. Through this wildest heaven, I’ll get what I want. “What is it?,” I asked. They told me, take my tightest grip, walk my longest pace, and sing my loudest scream. I must follow one trail they laid with crumbs of good intentions.
I hoped I won’t ever have to rest, but I’m losing sight. I see shattered reflections. I begin to lose the hearing of myself. Turning around, I only hear them noises. Outside, surroundings are empty. Inside, they are awaken. Always, they start talking, turning up the volume of suggestions, holding onto my hands. Such a repulsive touch, but they told me I’ll get used to it, they’re all I could lean on.
But I don’t know where home is anymore, all I find is my loss of hunger. They told me I must not give up. This is what I needed the most. My head is spinning. I want a time-off, but I’m afraid I’ll lose them voices. And If I sleep, I’ll be left alone, I’ll be ashamed, they will stop being my friends and I’ll never know where I’m going. I’ll never get better. I must keep going and hold onto them good words, they know what I needed the most, and maybe, maybe I’ll get better.
© Jidapa Chang-in