Since the New Year, I haven’t turned into a new-self I wanted to be… because there was never a new-me I dearly want to be. I never know what I want to be exactly. I never know what kind of a human being I should be. But should we all do? Should we all have an ideal human being to follow?
Well, in the aspect of raising a child, I think we should. Actually, I believe many of us would have someone we wish to be like. Nonetheless, I don’t have any of an ideal person I want to be like. Not even my mom or dad. I never ever wanted to be like them. Not that they aren’t great parents. I just want people to remember me as me, and not as ‘Oh! you are so like your mom!’
I’m not here to tell you ways of finding an ideal person, or ways to become the best person in the world, or even how to raise a child. (Cause I don’t have a child. I’m only 22…) I’m not here to do that because I believe we all know how to do so on our own and that we all know the best version of ourselves.
By now, you might probably be thinking ‘then what the heck are you going to babble about dear?’
This year, I have been looking at myself quite more often. I started to think about what I do each day and evaluate myself whether I have done something crazy or out of my ordinary life routine or not. ‘Cause I’ve just noticed that I have been choosing to do the same things. Eat the same food. Wear the same comfy clothes. Take the same route to school. And it’s not wrong because it makes me feel safe and comfortable. And most of the time, I would rather keep myself feeling that way…. It’s not wrong to make yourself feel safe, is it?
No, it is not. But it gets boring. I get bored and I find myself wanting to excite myself.
So, I have been kinda stepping out of my comfort zone and do things I always think wouldn’t be good for me. Well, not like no good for me, but sort of whenever I think of doing it, I have a ‘no’ or ‘better not’ coming up in my head. For examples, I now got tattoos on my body. I go to clubs. I hang out with my friends more often (Way mooooore comparing to before and as a person who is a homebody). I drink. I got drunk. I eat shitty food. (Basically eat whatever I crave. Fried foods, sweets and chips.)
And today, I looked back at what I have done in the past few months. I still think I haven’t changed. What I do doesn’t change who I am. People may think of me differently if I tell them purely all the things I have tried out this year. However, my friends and family still look at me in the same way. I’m still Chertam. I’m still a kiddo who smiles easily, laughs ridiculously, loves talking, drinks coffee every morning, crazily loves shopping and loves eating all kinds of foods.
What I’m trying to say here is, just do whatever you want but don’t let it ruin your life. Don’t let the things you do kill you or destroy who you are. Even though I go out at night, drink more, travel more, spend time alone a little bit less, I still got As and maintain my GPA above 3.5. My parents are still proud of me. I also even just got accepted by a company I want to do an intern with. I told my parents about everything I have done and they didn’t say much but I believe they think I’m the coolest kid ever. ha ha ha. Such a self-praise that was.
Another thing is, if you want to have an ideal person you want to be like, go ahead and follow their path. Just don’t let their identity erase or replace yours. Don’t let their everything become all yours. Don’t let it pull you down. Be proud of who you are.
If you think you still have to improve yourself and have no one to look up to. I have tips. Cause to be honest, I never ever feel enough about bettering myself. I never thought of myself as the best person. I never ever once look at myself as a perfect lady. I have flaws. I do. A looooot. But I never let it pull me down though. Well, maybe sometimes. I have my insecurities. Don’t we all do? But whenever you fall down, you would eventually have to get up, wouldn’t you? (Yes, you would. I would. Being on the ground for too long makes my butt tired and hurt)
So if you ask me, what do I do to better myself? I always pick up little great things of amazing people around me to look up to and try my best to follow. That is how I improve myself as I grow up. Surprisingly, without even realizing. For me, the people around me are very important and impactful to my life. Whom I think have a bad influence, I tend to keep distance. Trust me. Friends do have huge effects on you. I know you aren’t that stupid to not know who aren’t nice to your life. You might not know initially but you will eventually and think of it as a lesson. Learn from them.
Another thing, don’t let anyone tell you that you are stupid. I mean if they say so, don’t believe them. Don’t get mad at them. People who tell others stupid are ones who are. ‘Cause you know what people! No one is smart and no one will ever be. And no one is stupid either. We all are just humans learning to be our best selves.
We are all humans. So, live your life. Live it in your coolest, best, fun, and rocking way. Don’t let anyone lead your life. Lead your own pace. Walk the way you think is best. Walk fabulously like all the angels from Victoria Secrets (if you want…) Cause at the end of the day, the last person you will be able to hold on to is yourself. So be the best version of you.
Nonetheless, (I’m gonna say it again and again) it is not wrong to look up to someone to better yourself. Let people pull you up, not pull you down. The ground may sometimes seem luxury and soft to sit and fall on to, but as I said, your butt will get tired and hurt. So get up and walk. Free your butt. Move yourself forward on your best route.
(What triggers me to talk about this in this post? I have been noticing myself and the people around me a little more and I started to think and questioning myself of what I can do to have this good part of this person, what can I do to not let this person make me feel bad, am I a good friend, am I hurting anyone, or even am I living my life to the fullest. Stuff like this has been happening lately.)
Now, you are probably tired of people telling you to love yourself. (also it is a part of this post’s title) Well, for the least, I am. So! as much of a pain in a butt I am, I will leave you with…
“Love yourself a little more each day and let no one bring you down”
Oh and eat a little more of what you crave (even if it is a little… bad for your health) So here are the things I have been craving which aren’t bad for health (and I haven’t been eating them for a while) Let’s say, it’s a throwback of what I have eaten throughout the previous year.
Basic breakfast; cereals, granola, strawberries and dried coconuts with milk.
Simply just (any kind of) toasts topped with soy yogurt, bananas, granola, Chia seeds and drizzled with chocolate.
Traditional rolled oats cooked with milk, Chia seeds, topped with more milk, goji berries, coconut chips, and chocolate chips.
Traditional French toasts with mulberry sauce. I spread the bread with peanut butter and cream cheese. For the sauce, I merely cooked it with sugar and water.
Ps. Sorry, for pancakes and pies, there are no recipes because I cooked them after the recipes I found on the Internet and I don’t think they are the best of the best yet.