“I don’t give a f_ck”
“I don’t care”
And a dead silence, “_____.”
Those three moments (or terms. I don’t know how to properly call it) are what I have learned to do (applying it in real life situations) during the recent summer. In the past month, July, I decided to spend my whole July in Shanghai. It was almost two months. I was there from the half of June to the 13th of August. My whole purpose was to merely try my Chinese. I find myself not quite… passionate nor yearning to learn when in Thailand. So-yes, to also gain myself some more passion. To see if I will like China. If not, I will just stop and probably will never continue studying Chinese again. I have been studying Chinese for about… let’s say about 6 months. I can’t tell you the exact period. ‘Cause it was kind of an on-off relationship. Bahah. I mean, I go to class whenever I have time and it was like… once a week.
Anyway, after a month of an exclusive course in China, I still can’t speak Chinese fluently. But, hey hey hey, I can get whatever I want. Bahahaha. I had to… It’s extremely rare to meet a Chinese that speaks English. However, all the Laoshi (teachers) in the university I applied for, they speak English quite well. And that’s because the university I applied for was International school. It was Shanghai International Studies University (SISU). I really like the neighborhood around there. It wasn’t as hectic as I thought it would be.
The people who came to SISU for studying Chinese were very diverse and most of them are from Netherland, Russia, Korea and-yes-my home, Thailand. I have always 50 percent believed in the destiny. I mean, I believe things happen for a reason. And part of that reason is a destiny. A destiny in which will always hand you a lesson to learn, to think, to know, and even… to love.
After spending some time in Shanghai, oh man, I have learned thousands of lessons.
I used to think Chinese people were annoyingly loud. No, they are just being sincere. A lot of people, my friends included, were shockingly surprised that I came back saying, “I love China. Chinese people are so nice.” Of course, not all of them are nice-nice. No one is 100 percent nice. I’m not nice. I’ll be nice to you if you’re nice to me.
Superficially, Chinese people seem 24/7 grumpy, impolite, and rough. But once you speak to them or TRY to speak with them (In Chinese), you will never look at Chinese people the same way again.
Chinese people, the way I see them, they are very truthful to their own feelings and others. As I had been noticing them, they tend to always reveal their feelings to others. They let people know if they are happy, angry, mad, tired, all the possible feelings in this world.
And that they don’t give a f_ck if it’s none of their business.
Now, you might be wondering why I’m talking about “not giving a damn if it’s none of my business” as it’s something unusual. I know. I know. I know it is common and usual to not care about something that is unrelated or uninfluential to your life. But, if you have a Thai friend (A Thai who isn’t from Bangkok, studies in International schools or has spent parts of their lives abroad), you’d know why. Well, Thai people will always be willing to help others even if they don’t know how. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. It is a good thing. Helping others is a wonderful thing.
And also, they tend to always care about how everyone feels.
I don’t want to take an assumption that Thais are all like that. I’d say, it’s just all of the Thai people I met in Shanghai that are like that. I’m not saying it’s bad to care about how others feel. It is very good. You are not alone in this world. It is great to help others and care about others’ feelings. But, for me, you have to do it moderately. They were too extreme. Too extreme that it hurts themselves. When they care about others too much, as from what I’ve noticed, they tend to think too much about how others would think of them and it made them uncomfortable to do things in life. They were uncomfortable and unconfident to do a lot of things. Why do you have to have others’ feelings as barriers for you to achieve things in life? Those people aren’t even your parents or any of your ten-years-friends. Further, they tend to expect those who they helped to do great things for them in return which was when I started to question “What the f_ck?”
I was confused. Aren’t you supposed to help others without expecting returns?
Helping and caring others when you have a chance to do so is a great thing! Do it! Especially to those who are important in your life. But, please, don’t ever expect the returns. Caring is great. But, please, don’t put it as obstacles for your life.
The reason why I’m talking about this to you is because
I see them getting hurt. I see them complaining. I see them being unconfident. I see them being uncomfortable being around people. I see them cry. I see them getting worried. I see all the things I didn’t expect to see. I didn’t expect any of these. I expect them to freely be themselves and do what they should and want to. I expect them to care about themselves. I shouldn’t have expected. From all these, I have learned. I have learned to never expect anything. I have learned that trying to change someone’s thought is HARD. I have learned to be in silence. I have learned that sometimes, saying nothing is the best saying. I have learned we don’t have to give a damn all the time. I have learned to position the people in my life.
I might not have good feelings towards them but I’m very thankful for these lessons they taught me.
Apart from that,
Travelling in China, (actually everywhere) you have to expect nothing or expect less. I never felt so lucky to be a kind of a person who enjoy everything so easily. Tips for that is nothing far from “Expect nothing” Another is you have to always think and look at things both sides. Once you understand Chinese people and their culture, oh you will be in love. Whatever happens, look at it positively. Your life will be much easier no matter where you are.
Don’t think too much. Learn to let go and look at things from more than one point of views.